tattedonherbutt: When your best friend lets you postpone your skype date because she is the shit. She can tell just by Facebook messages that you are tired and stressed. She prescribes tumblr, rest and Grey’s Anatomy. Just when I thought that bitch couldn’t get any better she does. Landra you are the shit. if callie and her hot lesbian ass can’t cheer you up, nothing can. I love you doe...
Anonymous asked: hey um im a centipede and just to let you know i am on your desk right now, and in your books. you actually transported me to class today, it was boring as fuck (id rather be at bible study/panera) so i prefer your desk/bed. also, i have a ton of fucking legs. also this is anon because im a fucking insect and dont normally use computers/make tumblrs. so yah.
During a Period
Uterus: I hope you didn't like those underwear.
Stomach: EAT ALL THE THINGS!
Emotions: I don't care that you were crying your eyes out ten minutes ago, that was fucking funny. Now go act like you're high until I see something that pisses me the fuck off.
Stomach: ESPECIALLY THE CHOCOLATY THINGS!
Uterus: Also I've decided to act like something's constantly punching me. I hope you don't mind.
Me: why can I not have a penis.
that time I decided to do a vector portrait of my dad for part of my surface research final before I realized he has a goatee and that’s annoying as fuck to draw i hate my life
friend: 10 people have asked to be my valentine
me: sometimes i meow at cats and they meow back
I don’t always miss my mouth when eating goldfish, but when i do it’s when Sarah is looking at me
clavid: apparently i’m a slave 4 u is not an appropriate song to put on a powerpoint about the 13th amendment
wizcoylifa: if you die in the sims you die for real
brendoneureka: patrickhumps: when fob comes back they better have really long song titles that have nothing to do with the song or im gonna be pissed by fall out boy
that awkward moment when it’s 4 am and I am sitting outside my dorm room in pijamas, no bra or makeup because I had an asthma attack in my sleep and there’s like 6 people sleeping in my room and then some boy walks over and tells me i’m the cutest freshman he’s seen and asks why no one is keeping me warm and even though I say because my boyfriend lives in another state, he...
me: I should go shower now
(five minutes later)
(another five minutes later)
(yet another five minutes later)
(more five minute intervals)
someone: (goes into the bathroom)
me: wow fuck you I was JUST about to go take a shower
my mom sent me a care package and we have like a week left in school but it’s the only care package she’s ever sent me so I’m really excited about it. she put in all all these reaaaaaly ugly pairs of underwear and Jordan said it’s to make sure I never have sex. But she sent me my tax return and a bunch of food and a target gift card. So I’m pretty fucking...
got a perfect score on my last forensics presentation. so now I don’t have to take the final. hell yes, I love my life today.
imaginaryscholar: ew is this what it feels like to be awake